It’s Always My Fault.
Go ahead and blame me, I’m used to it. She wanted to have the talk, you demanded that we talk, and once we do, the end result is all my fault.
I’m a cold heartless bitch. What else can I be?
My only words to her were a request for the affectionate displays in front of me to be cut back and to "keep in mind, that one day the physical portion of your relationship must end." I told her I don’t mind if you two are friends or if you two hang out, but to please try to cut back on that one thing in front of me and not to forget the other.
What I want to know is where did she get the idea that it would go on forever? "I know you two are talking about marriage and kids, but that won’t change anything." That sounds oddly familiar to your statement that the only way it would stop would be if we moved. When I told you that hurt, you claimed to have never said those words - then you said that if you had said them, you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Right now, it seems to me that the two of you had similar ideas of about my relationship with you.
Her response to me telling her the above two requests was tears. Her tears were accompanied by words claiming that I didn’t think of your feelings in all of this. "Well, it wasn’t supposed to be a forever thing from the beginning. It wasn’t even supposed to be more than a few weeks." "I know that, but I can’t help it if we fell in love, if we developed feelings for each other." Cue the stab to the heart.
Though I felt betrayed, I did not push her to end things with you. Blame me for my little statement if you want. It’s nothing new, everything is my fault. It’s always my fault.
When she asked how I thought you would feel if the two of you ended things, I told her the truth - "I don’t know how he would feel, but it’s not like it’s the end of the world because it would just be the end of the physical fun. You two could still be friends and hang out, just nothing extra." "It would make him unhappy and upset. If he asks me to leave, then I will leave." "If it makes him happier to be with you, then I will leave. I will leave the two of you to it. I can’t and I won’t share him forever." A hard solution, but a solution I could live with. She called it harsh, the words "cold heartless bitch" were never said, but they were implied. Maybe that’s true, I mean, it is all my fault, isn’t it?
I don’t want her actions and lack of willingness to deal with my statements to affect us. If you lost a friend, it was not because I told her to keep in mind that one day the friends-with-benefits would end. I agreed with her that we could be great friends, I thought of her as a friend-in-the-making, we just needed to hang out a little more to learn each other’s quirks. But apparently what I said affected her too greatly to continue with you. I can apologize from now until forever, but you won’t listen. You will continue to blame me for her response. And why shouldn’t you? It’s all my fault. It will always be all my fault.
I love you. I agreed to a threesome as a way to spice things up. You seemed to really want it, and I wanted to see you happy. I’m sorry that I said yes. This is where I went wrong, because if I had never said yes, you would not be hurting right now. The two of you would still be friends, I would not have been swayed back into another man’s bed, and everything we fight about, all the answers you demand that I don’t have, would never have come to pass. I truly am sorry. You are right - it really is all my fault.
And forgive me for wanting to be selfish for once. I didn’t know it was such a crime to want to have the husband and kids without the mistress-claiming-to-be-the-unseen-girlfriend along for the ride. "Why should it bother you? You have everything: you get to live with him, you two will be married, you will have his children; I don’t get any of that. Hell, he won’t even tell his parents about me!" Isn’t that what friends-with-benefits is? A temporary thing? If you two truly did fall in love and you can’t live with being friends without the benefits, then by all means, enjoy the fun. I won’t stop you. I will require it to stop in the event that we do get married. If you refuse this one request, if you still want to keep your friend, all benefits included, then I will leave you to it.
