Please….
….I’m begging you….
Go congratulate Big Ed so he will calm down; he sounds like an excited cheerleader upped on sugarpills and beer at a taping of girls gone wild.
Thank you.
One Blog to Compile Them All. One Blog to Combine Them. One Blog to Bring Them All and In The Mewlings Bind Them - Compilation
August 4, 2006
March 30, 2006
February 23, 2006
HNT - MINE!!!!!!
Kittens are possessive. Everything we see or touch and everything within our domain is our possession. "Owners" don’t even own us; we own them.
We’re not quite as vocal as the seagulls from Finding Nemo, but it’s the same concept: see it, claim it.
Care for a short (three part) list of my posessions?
First, we start off easy and light…
BigEd and I went window shopping this past weekend. It was great. Or so he thought. We share his matress; my bed has shifted on down the line to my littlest sister. His bedframe was broken LONG before I ever showed up; so guess what we were window shopping for!!
In the event we are still together and I deem it alright, I may move with him in July. If I do, we are most assuredly getting a new bed (frame at least). While we’re at it, a new bedroom set would do nicely too 
So we made it to TheRoomStore. We walked a bit. And lookie what I found and claimed:
Trust me, it’s much prettier, bigger, and darker in person. And it’s not really all that expensive; I mean, all we’d get would be the bed, the armior, two bedside tables, and the dresser/mirror….
Second, and my HNT for this week, my newest, most purrrrtiest possession: my new collar.
And last, but certainly not least, my most prized possession: my owner.
BUT this isn’t just my owner; it’s BigEd all dressed up…. And not just dressed up, but OMG HE’S A HUNK dressed up. I’m talking straight out of many of my historical fantasies dressed up. I mean MINE.
Drool all you want; he’s MINE!!!!
~ - + * + - ~
Now, while y’all go off to work or snoop through more HNT posts, I will be off at the cardiologist.
What’s scarying me is my recent asthma attack — Tuesday night. Massive. I’m still suffering.
February 16, 2006
February 8, 2006
February 7, 2006
January 25, 2006
January 16, 2006
April 18, 2005
Submissive Personality
(borrowed from DemonQueen)
The end of this term means the end of C and I. I am leaving my job, going to North Carolina to visit with relatives, go barhopping (I can enjoy a few free drinks and the free meals I can grab will be great too) and enjoy a fling or two to rid my mind of C. We are breaking up out of necessity; he’ll be staying here and transferring out of the community college to UTD while I transfer up to OSU. It’s a four hour separation which I am willing to drive, but with gas prices and our history, it wouldn’t work out.
I can be perpetually swayed into anything, if you persist long enough. Especially when you know where my arousal points are. C exploits these every chance he can get (he’s allowed to, to a certain point; he is my boyfriend). But what about when I become single again? I won’t have the excuse of getting home to babysit or getting home to apease my parent’s wishes that, even though I can do as I wish, that I abide by their rules while under their roof. Nor will I be able to tell the guys hounding me "Hey, quit it, I have a boyfriend". And what when I move out and have no fallback alibi? What when I go out intending to stay out until all hours because I’ve nothing to do the next day?
But that’s not what hit me so hard when TJ and I talked. You can tell it hit me so hard because realizing it scared me. I have a submissive personality.
Why does this scare me?I can be perpetually swayed into anything, if you persist long enough. Especially when you know where my arousal points are. C exploits these every chance he can get (he’s allowed to, to a certain point; he is my boyfriend). But what about when I become single again? I won’t have the excuse of getting home to babysit or getting home to apease my parent’s wishes that, even though I can do as I wish, that I abide by their rules while under their roof. Nor will I be able to tell the guys hounding me "Hey, quit it, I have a boyfriend". And what when I move out and have no fallback alibi? What when I go out intending to stay out until all hours because I’ve nothing to do the next day?
I’m told I’m a very attractive lady. I’m told that my personality alone could score me a free meal or two. But neither of those are going to help me when it comes to turning away a man who’s after that one thing that is first and foremost on every man’s mind. I’m not always going to have a trustworthy companion around me, and I am not going to let fear run my life, but I’m also not idiotic enough to ignore this issue.
I was told (not by TJ, I don’t think) that as long as I’m aware of it, and careful, and heed any instinctive fear, then I shouldn’t worry. I’m "a smart enough gal to know when to run" and that should be enough safeguard (as well as the customary ‘watch your drink’ and ‘don’t talk to strangers’).
{sidetrack sidenote: construction men are HOT. I’m going to miss working here. Leaving means no more work-related eyecandy…}
Does anybody understand what I’m saying? Maybe it’s just me being tired, but I feel as if I’m not saying what I’m trying to say (happens far too often, y’d think I’d ignore it).
I’m just afraid that I’ll let some asshole through my defenses and not get scared until it’s too late. It has happened before.
{sidetrack sidenote: Firemen are HOT. Surprise fire department fire-safety inspection…}
Anyway, like I said, it has happened before. I fear it may happen again, only with worse effects. And I did say that I may never have close trustworthy friends hanging around. Yes, I may go out with friends, but who’s to say they will all be trustworthy? Especially with alcohol involved. I have a friend who is anemic and passed out at the mall a few years ago and her friend of 6+ years raped her; she got pregnant from it, but miscarried. I’m about to transfer to a place where I will know next to no one (a few pals of mine live in the area, I’m going to try to get a hold of them) and the possibility of falling victim to something like that is increasing. Not to mention it’s a huge party school.
What do I do then?
Become more of a loner than I am now? Retreat nightly into my books and studies and make no attempt whatsoever at stepping outside my bubble? Carry mace and a 9mm? Y’know, the mace doesn’t sound like a bad idea…but…ohwell.
I could continue as I am and play extra careful, being the ever so ridiculed "good girl". But that’s also extremely desireable, isn’t it? Men love to changed the innocent; sink their teeth in and leave their mark (*shiver* wrong kind of analogy for being as turned on as I am…).
What I’m really scared of… It’s me I’m scared of. Not what could happen, but of me. I know I can’t help how others are going to see me or treat me, but I know I should be able to control how I react. I’m scared I might pick the wrong person to get involved with. I’m scared I won’t be able to say ‘no’. I’m scared that I’ll go out with a friend and allow a little play and be unable to stop things once they get started. I’m afraid of myself.
Also…
Let me say I’m not afraid of being single; I look back at those months C and I were apart and I know I can survive. I had/have supportive friends and a dozen shoulders to cry on. My blogbuddies and pals have been here for me, and I hope y’all remain by my side.
Maybe I’ve had too little time on my hands to sit and sort through my feelings about the upcoming ending term and C and I breaking up. Maybe I’ve had too much time. Who knows. I know that it hit me hard about my submissive nature and the knowledge that I’ll be alone soon in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers didn’t help.
Let me get back to familiar ground here…
I’m due to transfer out of state for next fall term. That seems fine, just need to turn in a 2week resignation before the end of this term so I can have the summer to spoil my neice and nephew. Will most likely grab an internship or waitressing job for the two months or so I’m there, so I can have some gas money to throw my sis’s way when I take her car (driving there with her when she visits and flying back) and some money to blow when I’m not spoiling the little ones or helping out about the house.
Sorry if any of this is jumpy…I’ll make my next post make more sense…
