I’m a cold heartless bitch. What else can I be?

My only words to her were a request for the affectionate displays in front of me to be cut back and to "keep in mind, that one day the physical portion of your relationship must end." I told her I don’t mind if you two are friends or if you two hang out, but to please try to cut back on that one thing in front of me and not to forget the other.

What I want to know is where did she get the idea that it would go on forever? "I know you two are talking about marriage and kids, but that won’t change anything." That sounds oddly familiar to your statement that the only way it would stop would be if we moved. When I told you that hurt, you claimed to have never said those words - then you said that if you had said them, you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Right now, it seems to me that the two of you had similar ideas of about my relationship with you.

Her response to me telling her the above two requests was tears. Her tears were accompanied by words claiming that I didn’t think of your feelings in all of this. "Well, it wasn’t supposed to be a forever thing from the beginning. It wasn’t even supposed to be more than a few weeks."  "I know that, but I can’t help it if we fell in love, if we developed feelings for each other." Cue the stab to the heart.

Though I felt betrayed, I did not push her to end things with you. Blame me for my little statement if you want. It’s nothing new, everything is my fault. It’s always my fault.

When she asked how I thought you would feel if the two of you ended things, I told her the truth - "I don’t know how he would feel, but it’s not like it’s the end of the world because it would just be the end of the physical fun. You two could still be friends and hang out, just nothing extra." "It would make him unhappy and upset. If he asks me to leave, then I will leave." "If it makes him happier to be with you, then I will leave. I will leave the two of you to it. I can’t and I won’t share him forever." A hard solution, but a solution I could live with. She called it harsh, the words "cold heartless bitch" were never said, but they were implied. Maybe that’s true, I mean, it is all my fault, isn’t it?

I don’t want her actions and lack of willingness to deal with my statements to affect us. If you lost a friend, it was not because I told her to keep in mind that one day the friends-with-benefits would end. I agreed with her that we could be great friends, I thought of her as a friend-in-the-making, we just needed to hang out a little more to learn each other’s quirks. But apparently what I said affected her too greatly to continue with you. I can apologize from now until forever, but you won’t listen. You will continue to blame me for her response. And why shouldn’t you? It’s all my fault. It will always be all my fault.

I love you. I agreed to a threesome as a way to spice things up. You seemed to really want it, and I wanted to see you happy. I’m sorry that I said yes. This is where I went wrong, because if I had never said yes, you would not be hurting right now. The two of you would still be friends, I would not have been swayed back into another man’s bed, and everything we fight about, all the answers you demand that I don’t have, would never have come to pass. I truly am sorry. You are right - it really is all my fault.

And forgive me for wanting to be selfish for once. I didn’t know it was such a crime to want to have the husband and kids without the mistress-claiming-to-be-the-unseen-girlfriend along for the ride. "Why should it bother you? You have everything: you get to live with him, you two will be married, you will have his children; I don’t get any of that. Hell, he won’t even tell his parents about me!" Isn’t that what friends-with-benefits is? A temporary thing? If you two truly did fall in love and you can’t live with being friends without the benefits, then by all means, enjoy the fun. I won’t stop you. I will require it to stop in the event that we do get married. If you refuse this one request, if you still want to keep your friend, all benefits included, then I will leave you to it.

Mouths lock on skin,
Teeth nip at flesh,
Fingers clasp, nails dig in.
Three become one,
Inseparable in the night.
One claims two,
Two claim one.

~by me

Recently I have been having issues with my current relationship. Not bad issues, no, we do not argue, we do not fight, we are not in danger of breaking up. Then what kind of issues you ask? Well, see, there is this other woman….

Every party and dinner I host, I have at least one person tell me, out of earshot of the rest of the guests, that one woman in particular is looking at my man with eyes that should only be reserved for the one dating him. I play naive and ask what they think I should do, how I should approach the issue, and listen intently to their advice. Oh how little they know….

You see, this other woman has become a fun component in my solid relationship with Big Ed. From my point of view, she has earned the right to look at him that way.

It started with small glances. She would come visit late hours, after her children were placated and fed, and she would stay until the early morning. Drinks would be mixed, and while I would usually go to bed around ten or eleven, she and my boyfriend would stay up watching random BBC shows, talk about the joys of working in different buildings and departments at the same company, and whatnot. She was worried at first about pissing me off; pillows would always be piled between her and him on the couch, even when I was in the room, creating a small wall that would seem endless with the more she drank.

Then one night, I somehow managed to stay awake until after she left. That was the night she had enough liquor in her system to get up the nerve to ask me if she could borrow him. She is divorced, her oldest of two daughters is a year younger than I, she has one unsteady (read: barely there) fuck-buddy, and has had no release in weeks. I giggled and let her know I’d think about it. If only she knew what thoughts had been going through my head all night!

You see, I have had the pleasure of being the center of attention in a three-way, where I was the only female, but never have I had the pleasure of joining alongside another woman in an attempt to spoil my boyfriend. She elicited such thoughts in my head, but it was not in me to admit to this quite yet. I played it out, teasing and taunting my boyfriend with thoughts of what could happen. When he pushed a date one night after work, I hesitatingly agreed. This, from me at least, is normal - I need a little nudge now and then, and especially with this. I was excited. I was nervous. My nerves overrode the excitement. A little vodka can do wonders to calm nerves. And an exhibitionist boyfriend can help a lot as well.

The first time was incredible. The quickie that it was (she had a deadline to go pick up her daughter from a volleyball game) started before she arrived. I needed something to do to help the vodka get my mind off the nerves, so Big Ed, sitting in his over sized, nearly love-seat sized chair, with his legs up on the massive ottoman) pulled me on top of him. I was still fully clothed, he was still in his workout shorts and tank. He ran his hands through my hair, whispering reassurances to me, kissing me gently, and asking again if I was sure about this. I cracked a joke (a bad habit I picked up from my ex) and made mention of the last time I was part of an attempt at this kind of thing (the girlfriend freaked out and yelled and cried hysterically). I brought up a point he had not thought of, and it sobered him up a bit, made him nervous for a change. It was my turn to calm him down - Had I ever freaked out over anything? Have I ever given cause to think I may be that fragile? More kisses followed, and soon the bra had to come out from under the shirt. The first orgasm of many was the next thing on the list. Big Ed enjoys the fact that he can get me off so easily.

Not even five minutes later, while I was still atop Big Ed, straddling and kissing, the lady in question knocked on the door. We shall call her Willow - it is such a pretty name and bears no resemblance to the real name, but does bear a striking resemblance to her body type: tall and thin and graceful (though realistically she is quite prone to accidents and spills…not really all that graceful…like me!). I was recovering from my orgasm, so Big Ed said hello and prompted me to do the same. Big Ed is such a playful guy, he really helped break any tension by getting straight to the point, "Willow, she’s already one up on you! Would you like to even the score?" I rolled off, sat on the floor, and let her straddle him and come the same way I had.

I had not told him of the rules. I had parameters set in my head, but had not been able to sort through them, and when he had asked before, I simply told him that I would be clear if something was about to happen that I did not want happening. This left a lot open to his imagination and bought me time to sort through how far I was willing to let this go. Seemed fair to me.

Once we were all comfortable and us ladies had been relaxed a little at the hands of Big Ed, Willow and I traded off straddling him and rubbing his back with our bare chests.

Oh dear, I seemed to have skipped a space! In the course of swapping positions, Big Ed coaxed me out of my shirt, and Willow followed lead. While I, still in jeans, rode his still covered cock, Willow crawled up behind him and started rubbing his back and head with her nails. We both decided he should join us, and there we sat, all three of us topless. There, we are now back on track!

There was much timid exploring on my part, but with Willow’s ‘out there’ attitude, her explorations were much more demanding. For one on the outside, it would not appear this was her first time as well, would it?

Time draws fuzzy at this point. How long we swapped places, getting off, and teasing Big Ed…It could not have been long, but it was quite a few orgasms for both of us.

Willow and I then decided it was his turn, to which he objected. It seems he was having more than enough fun seeing us squirm and get off. We promised not to be gentle, but only if he would take his shorts off. I let Willow get acquainted with her new toy while I leaned up and kissed my boyfriend. Oh the look in his eyes!

She and I switched every few minutes, varying the techniques, speeds, pressures, sensations. We weren’t aiming to get him off quite yet, we wanted to drag out as much pleasure as possible in our limited time slot.

Willow’s daughter called, breaking the moment. Not too much of a break, though. We were then coaxed out of our jeans and panties and instructed to sit side-by-side on the couch. To be honest, I’m not a big fan of cunnilingus; it has more to do with not really being used to it because my ex, a boyfriend of nearly four years, refused to do it. Big Ed is slowly working me over and helping me, mainly because it is one of his most favorite acts. And here he had two women, very very wet, propped up on the couch in front of him - what more could he ask for?

Willow is a dry crier. When she comes, she whimpers, curls, and makes short crying sounds. Compared to my violent screaming spasms, I am sure Big Ed preferred going down on her. She had quite a questioning look on her face when he switched from her to me. With her, his face was buried and both his hands were traveling between me and her breasts, but when he moved over to me, both his arms were circling my thighs. Why, might you ask? Did you not read "violent screaming spasms"? On various occasions I have nearly suffocated him, and once, very nearly snapped his neck. I may be small and compact, but I have thighs of steel. Hearing the explanation, Willow smiled knowingly and once he started, she let her hands and mouth wander for him. After a few small orgasms, Big Ed was not satisfied, and began biting on my inner thighs. I have never had a more explosive orgasm! I vaguely remember almost nothing other than the swirling colors that overtook the room.

When I came to, my legs were quite weak. So weak, they wouldn’t move. That signals a wonderful time has been had. I was asked if it would be alright for him to actually fuck her. Little did they know I had already imagined that and the thought excited me quite a bit. While still limply lying on the couch, I watched her climb atop him in his chair. I love my uber comfy furniture! Every piece is just big enough to be a small bed! Big Ed, however, had drooped a little while working us over. I was asked if I could move just enough to come over and help him up. Have you ever tried crawling across a room when your legs are very nearly nonexistent? It seemed to take forever! But the reward at the end of the long journey…!

I love sucking cock. I will get that out in the open right now. I’m not very good at it (at least I think so), but I love it, and I firmly believe that until my experience and expertise increases, my love and joy and enthusiasm will help hide a few of my faults. And sometimes, it helps to have a small-ish mouth. With my mouth, tongue, and fingernails at work, and with Willow getting off on his hand while kissing her, it didn’t take too long to get a rise out of him. I was a little reluctant to move, but when I did, I only went so far as the arm of the chair. Mmmm, I had a great view of her face, his face, and I could drag my nails up and down his chest. She enjoyed a few wonderful orgasms (and the back cushion on the chair shows it with new creases where her hands balled into fists). After she was well taken care of, and after another few missed phone calls, and after a quick glance at a watch, it was decided it was time for the treat.

I like to think of myself as a great hostess. And as hostess for the evening, I had already promised Willow the chance to swallow Big Ed’s load, should she want to. She was shocked but readily accepted. The only problem was, Big Ed had gone a little limp again, seems disuse had gotten the better of him again (she had gotten up to walk across the room to get her phone, again). Big Ed never has such a problem, so I threw the explanation under nerves. Yes he had two beautiful women at his disposal, but I’m sure he was just waiting for me to freak out, and he may have also been dreading the minutes to hours after Willow left - he does not like it when women friends in his life do not like each other, and I am quite sure he was worried about how I would feel afterwards.

I was asked to wake him up again while Willow looked around the room for her clothes. I have never tasted anyone on my boyfriend’s cock except me, so I was curious how I would react; would I love it? Would I hate it? Would I freak out? OMG she was sweet! I cannot describe how sweet! It was like sucking down a hunk of sausage that had been dipped in a tropical syrup that had been mixed with a lot of powdered sugar, but still even sweeter than that! Again, I was reluctant to move, but shifted out of the way only after she had her clothes on and I had licked her juices clean off of him. Big Ed then took over, pumping himself to orgasm, with her mouth hovering over his hand, anticipating the treat, while her hands drug her nails up his thighs, while my mouth locked on his neck, and while my nails raked across his chest.

It was almost too much for him. He orgasmed, but he did not come. It was a long orgasm, almost as long as mine or Willow’s. A dazed and heavenly look overtook his face, his entire body pulsed and convulsed. Willow and I simply smiled at him, happy to have worked him over. I was a little disappointed Willow had not gotten her treat, so was Big Ed - when he could talk without stuttering again. She kept saying not to worry about it, but I am sure she was disappointed at least a little, too.

We all kissed and said our goodbyes, her all dressed, grabbing her phone and purse, while Big Ed and I still sprawled naked on the chair. Big Ed pulled me to him, softly kissed me, and told me again how I had earned massive good girlfriend points, putting me at or above "greatest girlfriend ever". I curled into him, rested my head on his shoulders, and purred. It may have been a silent purr, audible only to my own mind, but it was a purr nonetheless! Again, he voiced his concern for not giving Willow the treat she deserved, to which I replied: "Don’t worry about it. She’ll get it next time."

{} SubmissiveKitten {}

Or they are working full time, not caring about school, enjoying their weekends with millions of friends, living the single life or shacked up with their unmarried significant other.

Or they are like all of my close friends: community college flunkies, getting knocked up, getting married but still living at home with mom, working odd night-time jobs, scrounging up every last penny, but completely <em>happy</em>.

Which leaves me where? Sitting at home, working full time to afford to attend night, weekend, and online courses at the local community college, renting a small house with my boyfriend, literally miles away from everyone I know, taking care of two cats…I have everything my friends are lacking - the house, the job, the security of the two combined - while they have everything I want - the joy, the husband, the close family, the children…the garanteed future.

I know life isn’t fair. But…does it have to be rubbed it in my face?